Hurt People: Were You Raised off Love or Survival?

Relationships get tough and that's just the reality of it. Every day we see couples posting pictures on social media with their significant others and they look so happy, but I tell myself I don't know what really goes on with them behind closed doors that's why I don't get entertained by too many celebrity couples. Honestly, I really don't idolize too many relationships in general. I know too many couples who seem picture perfect but behind closed doors are arguments and all types of hell.

Before getting into a relationship it's important for the individuals to have self love. How the hell can you love someone else if you can't love yourself? I can speak about this because I was once low in self-confidence and self-respect. I had this guy I was dealing with when I was 17 and trust me when I tell you he treated me like crap! I was not the only girl he was dealing with and he didn't have a problem letting me know that I wasn't the only one trying to be the only one. I didn't care how he treated me because I felt like it was love. I didn't feel loved in my household, so I was validating my self worth from a man telling me I was beautiful but, yet he treated me like a rag doll that he played with and left alone when he wanted to. He came in my life at time I was vulnerable and just wanted attention. That's a bad combination for a female. I was rebelling against the authority within my family and I didn't care because he was there in that time of rebellion. I must admit I didn't have the guidance I should have had during the last part of my high school years. How could this guy come in my life and tell me what to do, how to do it and how to feel? I knew being with him was wrong, but I didn't want to be right.

You must realize what type of person you are getting involved with when you decide you want to be in a relationship. I never really realized what type of person I was until I got into a relationship with my boyfriend. I met him in 2015 and we quickly moved in together. I started learning about him and how he was and started to get to know the adult me. He is an affectionate person. He loves to cuddle, hug and just be close. WOAH! That was a lot for me because one I was not raised in a touchy-feely kind of household and two I never genuinely had someone who was into me like that before. It's crazy I didn't get into a stable relationship until I was 20 years old! I would always push him away when he wanted to hold me or kiss me because I wasn't use to it. I was not use to someone calling me beautiful every day. Looking back on it I would treat him cold when all he wanted to do was love me.

There are two types of people.

The ones who are raised off love.

The ones who are raised off survival.

The ones who are raised off love see the world in a whole different way. My boyfriend sees the good in everyone. He is friendly, kind, caring and trusting. My grandma is just like him. They would give their shirt off their backs if someone needed it.

Then you have people like me who were raised on survival. My family shows love by providing things you need like shelter, food, clothes and other things you need. Compliments and hugs are rare! I'm private unless I'm really close to you. Since I been in a relationship I realized a lot about myself. At first, I didn't want to be affectionate. A relationship without affection is like a car with no gas. POINTLESS! That's when I realized what type of person I was. HURT. I was a hurt person. I realized I was acting a certain way because of failed relationships with family members, betrayal and I just wasn't happy with myself. Step by step I took time to resolve every issue I had and let that hurt go because if I didn't I was gonna lose a person who had been nothing but my biggest supporter I was treating him like crap. I lost him because I hurt him. Hurt people, hurt people. Whoever said that ain't never lied. During the time we weren't together I slowly was emerging back into my old life. I started hanging around people who I shouldn't have and for a while my life was crazy. Then a year later me and my boyfriend reconnected and got back together. I told myself that I had a second chance and I wasn't gonna screw it up. I started having the urge to stay in and chill with my man instead of clubbing. I was gonna love a little harder, listen a little more and be affectionate. This man that I'm with now has taught me so much. I know how to unconditionally love someone because he unconditionally loves me back. He has been my rock and I couldn't have asked God to send me someone better. That guy I was dealing with back in high school taught me a lot too. He taught me to never deal with someone like him again. If someone ain't gone be right and ain't gone do right, then leave them alone.

At some point in life you must realize that you can't let anyone define who you are. Someone who doesn't appreciate doesn't depreciate your value at all. You just have to love yourself enough to know you deserve better and respect yourself enough to do better! Never make yourself small for someone who refuses to grow!